Mission Report: Dallas, GA
Under direct orders from Emperor Palpatine, Lord Vader led a small task force to the remote outpost of Dallas, GA on a reconnaissance and recruiting mission. Lord Vader’s orders were to secure the outpost, sweep the area for Rebels and make contact with an aspiring cadet, Thomas Mills, in order to recruit him as a Stormtrooper in the 501st Legion.
501st Pathfinders were sent ahead to scout the area. The scouts quickly located a droid suspected of Rebel activity. The droid’s memory banks were promptly erased and the R2 unit was pressed into Imperial service.
Once the pathfinders completed their sweep of the area the remainder of our elite group landed in the outpost. As is always the case, Lord Vader led the troops in search of the recruit we sought. The cadet we encountered was shrewd and calculating. He insisted that we remove our helmets to prove that we were in fact sentient beings and not assassin droids often utilized by Rebel cowards.
To our surprise, even Lord Vader removed his helmet.
We commended him on the noticeable improvement and healing of his scars though some in the ranks whispered that his beard toupee was a bit silly looking. Imperial Officer Scully quashed that chatter and let the troopers know she’d have no more of it.
Cadet Thomas then displayed his knowledge of galactic history by reading a Rebel account of the horrible turn of events which lead to the unprovoked destruction of the Death Star.
During this reading he re-affirmed his loyalty to the Empire when questioned by his mother if he was “good” like the Jedi or “bad” like the Stormtroopers to which he replied, “I’m Baaaaaaad.” The troopers who witnessed his pledge let out a huzzah in his honor.
At this time Lord Vader presented Cadet Thomas with a certificate proclaiming his status as a Friend of the Georgia Garrison. He was then presented with a second certificate inducting him into the 501st Legion as an Honorary Stormtrooper having been found to be of unquestionable loyalty, swift resolve and suitable character.
Lastly Thomas was presented with a scaled Stormtrooper helmet and an official badge of the First Imperial Stormtrooper Detachment should he ever need to prove his allegiance to the Legion and the Empire.
In a regrettable turn of events Thomas’ mother proclaimed that he would still have to eat his vegetables. Now that Thomas enjoys the brotherhood and protection of the 501st Legion Lord Vader had no choice but to issue a summary force choke.
As we prepared to disembark having completed our mission, we were overrun by local well-wishers who desired to prove their loyalty to the Empire. Lord Vader commanded that we conduct an impromptu public relations mission by mingling with the local populace.
Two beings were briefly detained on suspicion of Rebel sympathies, but Lord Vader released them in short order.
We welcome Thomas Mills as out brother in the 501st Legion and commend him on his joyous spirit, love of life and commitment to the elimination of rebel scum across the galaxy.
Mission status successful, all objectives achieved with no loss of trooper life.
In service to the Empire and with unquestioning loyalty,